“When she’s gone, don’t cry.”

My grandmother is in the hospital, again, and she most likely has to get surgery after her infection heals. Don’t you think I care? Don’t you think I’ve been worried, crying and trying not to stress myself out about getting to the hospital to see her. I feel guilty because I know most of the time over the past few days she’s been alone and its my obligation to be there, especially when no one else is. I should’ve rode my bike there. But what about getting work and sleep? I’m bogus. I should’ve went to see her last night and I should be there now. She would’ve got me to eat breakfast. All I drank was coffee. Something to keep my thoughts strong enough to eat me alive. I’m sorry. I do appreciate you when I’m with you and always when I’m not.  I’m not ready for a “see you later,” but of course I’m going to cry if I can’t even think straight when you’re alright… When I can’t love you in person. You’re all I’ve been thinking of and you’re all I’ll ever think of after this.


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